A Few Too Many
by sburbiangodtier
Summary: Jasper couldn't control himself...he had to kill off that one dude coming out of the bar...but when Emmett pushes Jasper aside to feed himself...what will happen next? Two-shot. Rated T for vampiric awesomeness. XD
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I have something different from Kingdom Hearts for once! Behold my other obsession: Twilight. I had this random idea about what if Emmett got drunk, how would he act? And so this little two-shot was born. I originally had it that he was looking for an anniversary gift for Rose, but since it's Christmas Eve, I decided to make it a humorous Christmas fanfiction. **

**And since I must, I will say here that I do not own Emmett, Jasper, or Twilight. They all belong to Stephanie Meyers. I only wish I was so brilliant as her. **

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"Tell me again WHY we're here?"

"Pipe down, stupid. It's because I forgot to go Christmas shopping for Rosalie, and if I don't get her something, I'm totally screwed."

"Pssh...would serve you right."

"Shut up!"

Jasper Hale smirked and ducked as his 'brother', Emmett, swatted at his head. "I can see that your sense of aim hasn't improved in the past couple of decades. Maybe you should sign yourself and Rose up for target practice at the archery club down in Seattle."

Emmett scowled, yet managing to keep his naturally vampiric beauty intact. "Been there, done that, Jazz. Do you know how hard it is to -not- get every arrow on the bullseye every time...in your very first class?!"

"I'd rather not imagine." Jasper said stiffly.

The two men were walking down the sidewalk in small-town Port Angeles. It was slightly chilly, but that didn't bother them much as their skin was always icy cold anyways. In fact, having to wear jackets when they weren't even cold could be downright annoying at times. But it was all for show. To make others think that they were naturally human, and not vampires.

Emmett just wished that he could have dragged Edward or Alice with him instead of Jasper, whose stick-in-the-mud personality was starting to wear on his nerves. He should have known not to bring the newbie. Jasper had been with them for a few decades but the whole feeding on animals instead of humans thing was still hard for him. And in a town where people were constantly coming and going, passing them on the sidewalks and even bumping into them on occasion, Emmett could easily tell that Jasper was just hanging by a thin thread of sanity. Truth be told, the aching burn in his throat that lusted for some innocent human's blood wasn't easy for him either, but when you'd lived with sucking the lifeblood out of grizzlies for such a long time, you tended to get used to the diet after a while.

His ocher eyes darted left and right, detecting where the best store was that would have the right thing for picky Rose. In years past, she wouldn't have minded so much if he'd just gotten her a thousand dollar bracelet, but ever since Edward had hooked up with Bella, his blonde beauty had gotten a whole lot more irritable than usual. It was like all-time vampire PMS, as if that was even possible.

Jasper, meanwhile, was sniffing the air nervously, taking unnecessary breaths. Emmett jabbed him in the ribs, and the other jumped slightly, driven out of his blood-lusty reverie. "Knock it off. If it tempts you so much, don't breathe. I don't want to have to tell Carlisle that you broke the agreement and jumped some random stranger for their blood." He whispered.

A low hiss emitted from the other's throat, but that didn't intimidate Emmett. "Fine." He muttered in a voice so low only Emmett could have heard it even if others had been listening very carefully for a reply. Emmett waited until he was satisfied that Jasper had stopped breathing. At the same time, a jewelry store caught Emmett's vision from a few hundred yards up the road. "We'll stop in there, Jazz. If I don't find anything, then we'll go to Seattle. I'm sure they'd have a better selection anyways, but this is closer." The only reply he received from the stiff and grouchy vampire beside him was a grunt and a nod.

They hurried as slow as vampires could manage to the tiny store. As the entered, a young redheaded girl looked up, only to do a double take that both of them were used to at the unnatural beauty they both portrayed. In a fluttering, unsteady voice, she twittered, "L-let me know if you n-need anything, k-kay?"

Emmett nodded towards her, showing little regard to the flirtatious girl. Jasper ignored her and stared straight ahead, a living corpse. Emmett nudged him again, but Jasper ignored him as well. Fine, let him be that way. Emmett was only trying to help, to keep him on the 'straight and narrow path' as Carlisle called it. But whatever. He shrugged and started to look at the different necklaces and bracelets under the glass. One in particular caught his eye, an extravagant number; a large heart-shaped white diamond on a heavy looking pure gold rope chain. He pointed to it, "I'll take this one please."

The girl's eyes widened, but she recovered her professional pose and took it out of the case. "Are you sure you can afford this, sir?" Emmett pulled a few thousands from his pocket and tossed them onto the counter easily. "I've been saving up." he said, when the girl gawked at the bills like they were gold bars stolen from the National Treasury.

"Oh, of course." she stuttered, and began to wrap the necklace into tissue wrapping. "Is this for anyone special?" she inquired, obviously trying to find out more about these rich men who had walked into her store. Emmett smiled, an action that seemed to stun her for a few moments. "Yes...my wife." he said, suppressing a snicker at the obvious disappointment on her face.

"Well, thank you. And have a good evening." Emmett was laying it on thick. The girl barely responded, wallowing in both self-pity and awe as she counted the thousand-dollar bills in her hands. Emmett tucked the necklace into his jacket pocket and dragged the still-unresponsive Jasper out of the store. "Dude, you seriously need to work on your attitude issues. I'm sick of the silent treatment."

Jasper turned to him, opening his mouth to make a good comeback, but at the same time the wind shifted. Jasper went stiff, his eyes wide with lust, and turned towards the source of the appealing smell of blood. A man that had come stumbling out of a bar, stinking of alcohol to high heaven, had just ran into a sign. A large gash decorated the side of his face, and blood came pouring out of the wound. The man paid no heed though, and giggled manically as he started to get up again.

The smell hit Emmett full force, but he had no time to react before he noticed that Jasper had abandoned all reason and was running at the man, his eyes crimson with bloodlust. His teeth bared, he bore down on the unsuspecting drunk. Emmett raced to rescue the man before Jasper could suck him dry of all life. But the crazed vampire was already on the man, latched to the side of the man's head like a leech. A strangled gasp left the man's throat before he fell limp in Jasper's hold.

"Jasper, NO!" Emmett yelled, pushing Jasper away. The thirsty vampire hissed at him angrily and tried to lunge at the poor man again, but Emmett, using all of his supernatural strength, swung at Jasper and threw him back into the alley by the bar. Jasper landed in a dumpster, which was quite dented up from the impact of a concrete body landing into it.

At the same time, the smell of blood impacted Emmett's nose like a two-ton pile of bricks. His hands shook, and crimson laced his eyes with his thirst. Maybe just a little lick...then he'd be satisfied.... Emmett's mouth hung just over the wound, tasting the scent of rust and iron, his mind and thirst battling with each other for dominance. In the end, he stuck his tongue out and took a tiny lick of the thick liquid. Oh...so good...so sinfully delicious... Emmett took another lick...then another...then discarded all sanity and started sucking, revelling in the taste of human blood but feeling horribly disgusted at himself for his own weakness.

When the corpse had been fully drained, Emmett just sat there in the dark alley, shocked at his own actions. "What...what has I did...?" he slurred, not realizing that the drunk's blood had been fully loaded with the liquor he'd guzzled down before going out to face his doom.

Jasper suddenly appeared beside him, now sober, and looked solemnly at the drunken and bloody vampire. "Emmett, come on. Let's get out of here. We'll bury the body and go home. Carlisle will have to be told of our actions. And on Christmas Eve too..."

Emmett looked up at him and giggled. "Hehee, why are we tellin' a lyin' car 'bout a body? Don't think it'll care...'specially a body named Chris Massive..." Another insane giggle as the drunken vampire wiped his mouth sloppily.

Jasper blinked. "What the hell are you talking about...?" Sudden realization dawned. "Oh no...that man was drunk...that means…. Emmett, you jerk." A shake of the head and he had put the inebriated vampire over his shoulders. "How the hell am I going to explain this one to Carlisle?"


	2. Chapter 2

A Few Too Many-Part Two

**Hope you guys are enjoying this little story so far! I hope I'm doing a good job…considering that this is the first story I've written on here so far that's NOT Kingdom Hearts. Lol. **

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The wind hissed past Jasper's flying body as he moved with all the swiftness his vampiric speed would go. But the man never even broke a sweat as he hurried back towards their house just outside of the small town of Forks. On his shoulders was the drunken Emmett, who had taken to blowing bubbles with his own venomous spit and laughing insanely as it flew off his lips in the rushing breeze, landing on an unfortunate blade of grass and dismembering it.

"Emmett, you are going to be in _so _much trouble with everyone when we get back." Jasper muttered. But Emmett only blew a raspberry in response.

It was only when they were half a mile from the house that Jasper stopped and put the wasted vampire down. Emmett collapsed in a heap of giggles as his limbs wouldn't support him. "Get up and walk." Jasper growled, grabbing his arms and forcing him to his feet.

Emmett gazed at him stupidly for a second. "Geezie Jazzie, you such a meanie-head…I gonna go home and see my…my…" Emmett paused. "My Pansy…no…my Petunia! Yeah…my Pettyunia…" and he staggered off into the field, going completely the wrong way…and running smack-dab into a tree. The poor tree in question snapped in half from the force of the vampire, and Emmett fell backwards, squealing in laughter. "Lookie! I maded the tree go boom!" he cheered, before getting up to mow down another tree.

"Emmett, knock it off!" Jasper was at his side in an instant, half-dragging him towards home.

"No! I wanna make the tree go boom again!" Emmett slurred, flopping around in an attempt to get away from Jasper. But the stoic vampire held him tightly in his grip, and continued dragging him.

They reached the house before long, and Jasper was greeted by a flabbergasted Edward, who had heard both Emmett's inane thoughts and Jasper's exasperated ones. "Emmett…?!" he gasped. Bella was right behind him, with Renesemee in her arms, eyes wide.

"What happened, Jasper?" Bella gasped. Her own ocher eyes were the size of half-dollars, but that could never take away from her vampire beauty.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "It's a long story."

"We have time." announced a new, firm voice. Rosalie was standing on the front porch, arms crossed, and a scowl on her pretty face. She descended the stairs with the air of a queen, with Alice bounding right behind her. Carlisle and Esme followed, and everyone could smell the odor at the same time when Emmett burped, a loud, resounding vibration that shook the entire house and forest.

"He's drunk!" Carlisle gasped, his jaw dropping. "But…how?!"

"I'm afraid that we had a bit of an incident in Port Angeles." Jasper said stiffly. "We were shopping…" There was a smirk from Alice and Edward at the same time. "And a drunk man hurt himself and started bleeding in front of us. I lost control and started to feed on him, but Emmett slammed me against a dumpster and also lost control. I lost consciousness for a bit, but he kept feeding. When I came to, he had finished off the man, but the alcohol in the man's blood apparently affected Emmett in the same way it would a human. He's totally wasted. I've never seen anything like it…and he WON'T SHUT UP." The last three words were shouted, and Renesemee cringed into Bella's shoulder at the anger in her Uncle Jasper's tone.

Carlisle reached out and took the smashed vampire into his own care, relieving Jasper. "We'll put him to bed, and hopefully even though he won't sleep it off, he'll come to soon, and hopefully with no side effects. I have no idea what a drunken vampire is like, so we'll need to keep Nessie away from him."

Renesemee put her hand to Bella's cheek and Bella said, "Renesemee is going to stay with me and Edward."

A loud laugh came from Emmett and he stumbled forward towards Rosalie. He pulled the wrapped necklace from his pocket and held it out to her before falling forward. He held it up and said, "Murray Chrishmassh, Panshy!" before letting his face flop onto the ground.

Rosalie glowered at Jasper. "PANSY?!" she screeched. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, JASPER HALE?!?!?"

Jasper held up his hands, as Carlisle took control of the situation, and with Edward and Esme's help, he took Emmett into the house. "I didn't do anything! Thank the dead guy that started bleeding all over the place because he was drunk!"

Alice smirked. "Didn't see that one coming."

. . .

The next day, Emmett was back to normal, albeit suffering a massive grizzly-sized hangover. "From now on, I'm sticking to bears!" he groaned, holding a cold compress to his forehead.

"Hey bartender, I'd like to order a Bloody Mary for our friend here." Jacob joked, having heard the entire story that morning when he'd come to visit Nessie and Bella.

"Heh, no thanks, I've had a few too many already." Emmett moaned as everyone else laughed.

**Lol! And my first Twilight fanfiction is finished! I'm pretty satisfied with how it came out. I'd like to dedicate Part Two to my first reviewer for this story: INeedEdwardMoreThanLifeItself. Look! I made it post-Breaking Dawn! :D Anyways, see that little review button right down there? Clicky clicky clicky! XD**

**Hope you guys enjoyed! Ciao. **


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